Today I had the incredible opportunity to talk with a CEO of a local company. I probably never would have met this person had I not started talking with the man sitting next to me on our flight to Seattle. I say, “man next to me”, because, well, before I started talking with him, that’s who he was—a man next to me, sitting there on a flight from Spokane to Seattle. When I took a moment to ask a question he became more, he became Todd, a CEO of a local startup, just coming out of navigating through Covid right after launching his company only months before. He became Todd, who grew up going to Lake Couer d’Alene in the summers—just like I did; who is passionate about business and helping companies succeed—just like me. 

“When I took a moment to ask a question he became more, he became Todd.”

At one moment, he was the man in the seat next to me, but the next, he became Todd. 

I learned so much from Todd.

I learned so much from him, because I asked him a question.

We all grow up hearing the adage, “There is no stupid question.” As if that saying should help us keep from feeling stupid when we ask questions. We grow up with that saying, but are still surprised when people actually ask a question, as if they should know the answer. I think, remember Danny, your daughter is only 9 years old, why would she know that? I want my daughter to ask questions, and I want to foster that skill in her, but I squash that desire when I treat her question with triviality. But then if she doesn’t ask a question, I scold her for not because she doesn’t know what she needs to know. My poor daughter, she lives in the midst of this tension: encouraged to ask questions in a world that expects her to know it all. Can you relate? What if we lived like there was no stupid question? What if we cultivated a spirit of curiosity that helped us engage with people rather than Google? What if there was something more to questions than simply getting an answer?

“We all grow up hearing the adage, “There is no stupid question.” As if that saying should help us keep from feeling stupid when we ask questions.”

Questions are vital to the flourishing of human relationships. As we pursue leadership and strive to grow in influencing others, it would be in our best interest to cultivate and work on the art of asking questions.

Asking good questions is an art, and just like any art, it takes practice. Every question is like a painter’s stroke across a canvas, revealing what the picture will be. Our questions help form us as leaders in the minds of those we ask. No leader can possibly know everything. Our teams, our companies, our families, know that we don’t know everything. 

Asking questions reveals to others what they already know—we don’t know everything.

So we ask questions, and through these questions, we get to know what’s going on around us. When you ask the person next to you, you get to know what they know, and both are better for it. So let’s practice starting to ask questions, or as Stephen Covey wrote, “Seek first to understand before being understood.”

So where do you start? How can you get better at asking questions? There a probably a million different questions you could ask someone, and I definitely don’t know which question is the right question to ask. Here’s what I do know, if you don’t start practicing asking questions, you’ll only be a shell of the leader you’re meant to be. A shell of a leader your team needs.

So, if you’re not good at questions, I encourage you to try this one: “How are you?” It’s this question that can truly transform a conversation and bring about the deeper connection we all need as we navigate through the chaos of life. May I go further? May I ask you to take the step of courage to ask that question with true meaning, with true intent, with true care for how the other person might be? Ask the question, “How are you?” and you’ll be surprised who you get to meet because the person next to you becomes something more—they become someone more.

“…if you don’t start practicing asking questions, you’ll only be a shell of the leader you’re meant to be.”

When you ask this simple question, the person next to you moves from employee to mom, daughter, brother, sister, father. 

When you ask this simple question, the person next to you becomes an artist, a writer, a musician, gamer, athlete. 

When you ask this simple question, the person next to you becomes your spouse, not just the mom or dad of your children.

Simple questions bring connection, and leads us to more.

Questions help us get more, gain more, do more than we ever could have learned without first asking a question.

Grow in your leadership today by practicing the art of asking questions.