“Oh fuck. I’m sorry. You don’t swear, so I’m going to for you.”

That’s the text I received from my friend once she learned I had been included in the layoffs at my job.

She’s right, I try not to swear, it does come out every once in a while. You could probably ask my kids, they would know—kids always know.

And though I never said it myself, she’s right, I did feel that way too.

I knew the moment I joined the Zoom call. I probably also knew before the Zoom call, but it was all confirmed when I joined at 8:30 am, Thursday, January 26. You always know when you join a call attended by HR. “Welp, this is it.”

I had my suspicions, that’s for sure. I was on PTO that Thursday, and Friday for that matter. When the calendar invite came in, the calendar declined it automatically, but my manager still wanted to meet.

They wanted to meet no matter what on my day off. 

So, I guess I knew either way.

And yes, it sucks.

And I’m still processing through it.

It’s only day 2.

At this point we haven’t told our kids yet, we’re still planning on sharing that with them this evening. As much as I don’t want to break the news, as much as I want to protect them from the world, as much as I don’t want them to experience anxiety, I know it’s best for them. This can be a great opportunity for them to learn, to grow and to feel. I can’t shelter that from them. Life is going to happen. Life did happen. 

By the time most of you are reading this it will be a few months after the layoffs. I’m not sure what life will look like come April 2023, but I know it will look different.

Everything will look different.

And I think I want it that way.

I’m partially processing through this ad hoc with you today. That’s life, really. I’m about to step into something I’ve never done before—I’m about to learn something brand new. Something that I didn’t choose to step into, but something I know I’m going to learn so much from. I’ll probably look back on this and say something, “I would never have chosen it to happen, but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.” 

I’m not saying that right now, but I am thinking I’ll say it someday. 

So where do we go from here? Where do I go from here?

The morning of that meeting, I knew we were going to be okay. I’m a person of faith, and, that morning I had read Habakkuk 3:17-19. If you want to hear about it sometime, let me know. It’s a testimony for me, a handhold of hope, and a reminder that it wasn’t going to be my last day—it was my last day at the company, but it wasn’t my last day.

Right now I’m just trying to let all the feels come out. I want to allow myself the ability to grieve, get angry, be disappointed, accuse (only in my head), have hope, be sad, cry even. These will all be good to go through.

But Monday will come. It will be an interesting Monday, with no job. So I know I have a choice before me. Actually, I already made that choice a long time ago. Monday won’t mean I go to work, but I will still be doing the work, the work of learning, growing, and submitting to the process.

That’s what I’ve always done. I’ll still wake up at 5-ish, make coffee, read my Bible, journal, pray, read 20-25 of a book, write, and then make breakfast with my kids. That won’t change. Over the last year or more, I’ve built habits and routines that help define my identity and the man I so want to become. My job isn’t my identity. It’s what I do, not who I am.

Yes, I know I will still need to get a job. I get that. We’ll still have bills to pay. Kids won’t stop eating food just because I don’t have a paycheck.

But that will come. Because that’s what happens. Life doesn’t stop. This isn’t the first time anyone anywhere in the world has been laid off—unfortunately that’s definitely not the case in the tech world of 2022-2023. 

I don’t exactly know what life will look like for me and my family going forward. There’s both excitement and anticipation for the future, with worry and anxiety peppered in there as well. And that’s okay. We’ll be okay.

I’m grateful for the habits and routines I’ve built over the years. It’s made me stronger, and in some ways, helped me prepare for this opportunity.

Today’s an opportunity. Monday is the opportunity. I remember John Wooden’s quote, “When opportunity comes, it’s too late to prepare.” Well, I’ve been preparing for this moment, without realizing it.”

Here’s to today. Here’s to showing up again tomorrow, and starting again on Monday. I’m ready for what’s next. 

I hope your next opportunity is not my next opportunity, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. For whatever opportunity is next for you, may I encourage you, prepare today. If you don’t prepare today, you’ll miss the opportunity tomorrow.

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