A few months ago, I had the opportunity to start a more formal mentorship with a member of my community. We’ve met pretty consistently over the last 8 months and someone recently asked me what I’ve learned. I’ve attempted to compile 6 insights from my time being mentored.

1. Mentorship starts by asking.

I had always heard that as a young person I needed to get a mentor. I learned from those before me that they got where they were because someone mentored them. Sometone took them under their wing and helped them along the journey of life. And inevitably, the response was, “I had a mentor, so you need a mentor.” My next question might be the same as yours. “How do I get a mentor.” The answer is simpler than you might think. I’ve found that it’s simple, but it is one of the cliché responses: It’s simple, but it’s not easy. You get a mentor when you ask. You can get a mentor by asking. I once listened to a podcast with Don Yaeger as the guest sharing how he started a mentorship with John Wooden. He shares the story of recording a mentorship session between John Wooden and Shaquille O’Neal. After the interview, Don goes up to John and asks,”How does one get a mentorship with John Wooden.” And John’s answer—“he asks.” For the next 12 years, John Wooden mentored Don Yaeger. Mentorship starts by asking.

You get a mentor when you ask. You can get a mentor by asking.

2. Mentors are everywhere.

I remember sharing with people that I had recently asked someone to be my mentor. After consideration and, yes, an interview session for both of us, he graciously accepted. I was excited to learn what exactly it meant to be mentored, because though I knew I needed one, I didn’t know what happened once you had a mentor. And then I realized something, I’ve had lots of mentors in my life. Throughout my life I’ve had all sorts of mentors, those that mentored me for a moment, those that have mentored in and outside of seasons, and those that will mentor for the long term. Once I opened my eyes, and ears, I learned I could get all different levels of mentorship at just about any moment I needed it. This freed me to learn my next observation from mentorship.

3. One mentor is not enough.

One person is not enough to learn from in every area of your life. As I began to meet with my mentor and ask questions, I learned that there were things that he simply might not know. It wasn’t because he wasn’t smart (because he is), it’s because he’s human, and he only knows what he knows. I learned that in the counsel of many advisors, plans succeed (Proverbs 15:22). So I built out the top 10 focuses of my life, things like spiritual growth, financial growth, being a father, husband, coworker, employee, etc., and began to build my team of mentors. I’m still building this as I grow, but now I feel like I truly have a team of men and women who will intentionally invest in me and helping me become the man I was made to be.

4. Mentors ask great questions.

While meeting with my mentor, he started by getting to know me. He wanted to know how I thought, my story, where I came from, why I made the decisions I made. He wanted to know my worldview, my influences, my goals. And as he listened, I learned. I learned how to articulate the man I was and who I wanted to become. Before he asked, I wasn’t sure I could have articulated my strengths and my weaknesses. I began to learn more about myself, which made me a better dad, employee, and friend. He challenged me to invest in myself by taking the StrengthFinders test (and pickup the book) which helped me learn the areas of my strengths—he helped me see my value.

As he listened, I learned.

5. Mentors challenge and enlighten.

In learning about my value, he helped shed some light in some areas of my life that I needed help. And he called me out. I needed someone not just to tell me my areas of strengths, but my areas of weaknesses, because I don’t have it all together. And I came to him to learn. Sometimes I didn’t like his comments or his challenges, but I knew that he cared enough to give me the hard feedback, because he wanted to see me better for my wife, my family, and my community. In the hard feedback, he always came back to check on me, too. Sometimes the hard feedback we receive feels like a period, but when a mentor challenges us, it comes with a comma, because it’s not the end, it’s a continuation of the relationship.

6. All mentorship doesn’t look the same.

During our first few months, we were really good at meeting regularly and putting our meeting time on the calendar. And then as we have continued to meet, we’ve had to be flexible with when and where we meet. One time we met during our lunch breaks, over the phone, for 30 minutes. One time his wife and him came over for dinner. That wasn’t a structured mentor time, but getting to spend the evening with the two of them still mentored me. Then there’s the scheduled hour plus sessions. These are by far my favorite and vital to the vitality of the mentorship relationship. 

So there you have it. So far, that’s my thoughts on what I’ve learned from mentorship. Sometimes it’s messy, and sometimes it’s hard, but it’s always good. We need to grow, our people need us to get better, and mentors help us along the journey.

What’s something you’ve learned from you mentor? Drop it in the comments below.