There is a Hebrew proverb that says, “Whoever diligently seeks good seeks favor, but evil comes to him who searches for it” (Proverbs 11:27).

I used to work at Apple retail. Among the many people we saw come through our doors (being an outdoor store, right on the main street of downtown), there were always people with questions. Now, that’s not a bad thing, as we were given the task of helping people start and restore relationship with their Apple device—questions came with the territory. And questions are not a bad thing. Many people came in with innocent questions, truly seeking to learn and understand why their device was doing whatever it happened to be doing that day. Those were the fun conversations and made our job enjoyable, especially if we knew how to solve the issue.

“Of course it exists online, Google did its job.”

Then there were the people who came in asking the questions they had already researched online. These people were wondering about some obscure technology glitch that only happened to a very minute number of people, but were convinced that we would know all about it—and of course, as being employees, knew how to solve. The challenge was, we didn’t. Often we had never heard of this issue before. During one of these troubleshooting sessions and doing some research online with the customer, I remember a leader telling me something I still have not forgotten: “Of course it exists online, Google did its job.”

“When I come to someone, I’m going to find what I’m looking for.”

A search engine’s job is to find what you’re searching for. So if you need to find an answer to your obscure question, Google’s job is to find the most relevant information that will help you on your journey to finding an answer. Whatever you type in, it searches. That’s what a search engine does. So what you’re looking for, you eventually find. It got me thinking. Isn’t that the case with people too? When I come to someone, I’m going to find what I’m looking for. Many psychologists have much more intelligent things to say about our own biases and perceptions, hidden beneath the surface of our consciousness challenging how we view the world. Those are good articles to read and people to learn from. I’m not one of them. Here’s what I do know, when I look at someone, I’m going to see what I’m looking for. If I’m looking for an ulterior motive behind a question, I’ll probably find it. If I’m responding to someone expecting a specific response, I’ll probably receive it. If I search for a negative reaction—I’ll probably see it. If I look at my leader, and I expect a hard-nosed, unkind, disrespectful leader, I’ll probably receive any word given to me through that filter. 

But what if we changed our perspective? What if when we came to people over us, next to us, or lower than us, we came searching for something good? Do you think you’d find what you’re looking for? I believe that people genuinely want to be kind, and helpful, and encouraging, but when I come to them with a filter for something else, I miss it. Yes, I miss it even if they are kind, helpful, and encouraging. As I come with a positive intent, I find what I’m looking for, even if they’re not presenting it. Why? Because I’m looking for it.

We see what we’re looking for. What we search for we find. 

As we grow in our leadership and want to lead others all around us, we have an opportunity to see people and situations with whatever lens we use. So what lens are you using? What’s your filter looking for on the search engine of human relationships? You won’t be disappointed when you start looking for the better in others. We won’t have to sing along with U2 any longer, asking the same question while walking on the sidewalk, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” (I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For lyrics © Polygram Int. Music Publishing B.v.) You can find what you’re looking for.

Lead by calling out and searching for the best in others, giving them an opportunity to step up and step into the fullness of who they are. You’ll be delighted when they reveal what you’re looking for. When we look at others with their potential—“digging for the gold” as my friend Brandon Stewart likes to say, we start to live out our values of Beyond the Title—building others to be their best.